


Never Call My Friend Fat, Ya Cunts![RoadRat]

by LyricallyWritten



Series: Overwatch [4]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Bromance, Fluff, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 23:20:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11611050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricallyWritten/pseuds/LyricallyWritten
Summary: After a bank robbery goes south, Junkrat and Roadhog find themselves surrounded by police.When one officer calls Roadhog 'fatty,' everything goes even more downhill.





	Never Call My Friend Fat, Ya Cunts![RoadRat]

**Author's Note:**

> You can tell by the title, I had fun writing this XD

"And this wire goes here, and this one there, and a little tinkerin with the what's it who's it..." An Australian accent whispered to himself.

A sharp grunt from his partner next to him caught his attention, but didn't distract him from the task at hand.

"What ya mean 'hurry up!?' This reinforced steal here, Hogsy! I can't just slap any ol' bomb on here ya know!" Junkrat argued, getting another angry grunt, "Coppers? They won't be comin yet, we got this!"

And by this, he meant Kingsrow Bank's safe.

With a few small explosions to get them in, Junkrat was now hooking up a red smiley face C4 to the bank vaults door, while Roadhog impatiently kept watch.

"Sirens." Roadhog grumbled, his voice muffled by his black gas mask as usual.

In the distance, police sirens were blaring and they were getting closer.

Junkrat let out a giddy giggle as his C4 was set to blow, "Boom, boom, BOOM! HAHAHA! Hold ya ears, this one's gonna blast the stink right off ya."

The men ran from the hall the vault was in as Junkrat pushed the button to ignite the C4, and with an earth shattering kaboom! The whole back of the bank was blown up, and the money along with it.

"Whoops! Didn't use enough explosives?" Junkrat asked as him and Roadhog began to run out of the now collapsing bank.

Roadhog let out a sharp angry grunt.

"Ya calling me an idiot!? Ok, ok! I overdid it! I know! Ya don't have to tell me twice!"

As the two escaped, they were met with bright lights and sirens, "Put your hands up! You are surrounded!!! Your only option is to surrender!"

Junk chuckled, "Surrender? Ya hear that Hogsy? They want us to surrender. What ya think? Should we snatch and run? Or we hookin and cookin em?"

Roadhog looked around. They were indeed surrounded. Any attempt to fight their way out could be too risky, but with the proper distraction, they could grab some money and jewels that weren't blown up in the burning building behind them.

Roadhog shook his head no and Junkrat understood exactly what he meant.

"You have 5 seconds to comply, or we will take you by force!" The police officer warned.

Junkrat put his good hand up in the air, while his red robotic prosthetic arm slowly reached for his bomb launcher. One bomb shot at a police car, and they could make their escape.

"Ok, ok! Ya got us! We'll comply!" Junkrat assured.

"Good! Now tell fatty over there to put his hands up too and we'll take you in without incident!" The officer order.

Immediately, Junkrat felt his blood boil, "Did, did you just call him fat? DID YOU CUNTS JUST CALL MY FRIEND FAT!? I'LL FUCKING GUT YOU I WILL MATE!!!" He yelled, pulling out his bomb launcher before anyone could register what was happening.

Police officers were left running and screaming as Junkrat shot three bombs their direction, blowing up a car, a helicopter, and a few police men, painting the sidewalk red with blood, until Roadhog was grabbing him and dragging him away.

"Stop! I'm not done! I wanna rip his fucking eyes out and feed them to him, the fucking whacka!" He yelled, kicking and screaming as the bigger man scooped him up and ran to their get away motorcycle, while gunshots and screams echoed behind them, "See! This is why I don't like pigs! Piece of shits! Hog's are way better."

Roadhog let out a displeased grunt as he threw his rowdy friend into the sidecar.

"What are you sayin, 'don't defend ya!?' I'll do as I damn well please! Those cunts have no respect! And blokes wonder why I hate everyone! People like him are as bad as the damn omnic's!!!" Junkrat yelled and raved as Roadhog sped away, heading to their secret hideout.

When they finally out ran the police and made it back to their stolen cabin on the outskirts of town, Roadhog thought he had a moment to relax at last, but it was hard to relax with someone talking off your ear.

"And the nerve of some people! 5 more minutes mate, I just needed 5 more minutes and we could've taken the treasure and shoved a bomb so far up that blokes ass, his lower intestine would have popped out through his bloody head!" Junkrat continued to yell, "Ugh! I'd skull fuck the shit outta his mum while he watches! Call her a fatty!!!"

Roadhog rolled his eyes and proceeded to walk to their small kitchen to make a cup of tea, while Junkrat started dumping all the explosives he had strapped to himself onto the floor.

"Suppose I have called his broad that even! How would that have made him feel!?"

Ignoring his ranting friend, Roadhog flopped down on their couch, hearing it screech and squeak as he brought his legs up to get comfy.

"I wonder if that shits still alive? We should murder his whole fucking family!" Junkrat suggested, "Rob em blind while we're at it."

Roadhog just lifted his mask up a bit, to take a sip from his tiny tea cup.

The crazed explosives expert crossed his arms, still ticked off over everything that transpired as his friend let out a light grunt.

"Don't tell me to calm down! One of us needs to be angry about this! And if it ain't gone be you, it gotta be me!"

Another grunt, but a confused one this time.

"Why's it gotta be me mad? Cause! CAUSE! You ain't fat Roadhog! It pisses me off when people say that shit to you!" He explained, earning himself a tilted head and another confused grunt, "It pisses me off cause look at me! I'm scrawny, all skin n bones! But no one says, hey scrawny put down the grenade! Or tell ya lanky friend to put his hands up! Nobody does!"

Roadhog shrugged his shoulders as he downed his tea, throwing the dainty China cup behind his head, to listen to it shatter against a wall.

"Stop that shrugging! It ain't right! Ya chubby at best!"

Junkrat stomped his peg leg in frustration, before letting out a long sigh, almost jumping when his friend actually spoke up.

"Why do you care so much, mate?" He questioned, deep muffled voice reverberating through everything in the house, including Junkrat.

"I just told ya!" He replied, but the other shook his head, "What, ya want a better answer? I just don't think people should be judging ya on the way ya look is all!"

Roadhog patted his belly, "I don't care. And you don't even know what I look like for fucks sake."

"So! But I can clearly see how tall ya are, taller than me even! I sees ya chubby and built like a brick shit house! Nobody got any right sayin ya fat though! Or callin ya names like that! Not while ol Junkers' around!" Junkrat exclaimed.

Roadhog just shook his head as his friend climbed onto the small couch with him, shimmying himself in between Hog's legs to rest on his big belly.

Junkrat laid his head down on his hog tattoo, "I think ya a big beauty of a bastard!"

He huffed out a laugh that made his stomach bounce, "Ya always say that."

"It's the truth!"

"Mhm."

Junkrat gasped, "Whatcha mean, 'mhm!?' Ya don't think I'm a beaut too? I'm fucking gorgeous, right?" 

"You're annoying." Roadhog answered as the other started climbing up his stomach more, his peg leg digging into the couch and his thick skin.

"Hehe! And ya always say that, Hogsy!"

"Cause it's the truth. But Junker, you, aren't... Terrible to look at. And I guess I, I don't mind ya stickin up for me." Roadhog admitted.

Junkrat's soot covered face lit up red as he felt Roadhog's hefty hand pat his singed blond hair, "H-Hogsy, are, are ya going soft on me?"

Roadhog shook his head no.

"I think ya are! Come 'ere ya big lug! I'ma smooch ya!" He exclaimed.

Roadhog shook his head, "No! No."

"Yup! Ya gettin a big 'ol wet one!" He screamed, quickly grabbing his friends masked covered face, while pushing his lips against the worn out leather of it, "MWAH!"

Hog let out a frustrated grumble.

"Don't tell me to bugger off! You know ya like when my lips are all over ya, don't be a soft-cock now, mate!" Junkrat scolded.

"Fine!" Roadhog exclaimed as he lifted his mask again and grabbed the back of Junkrat's head, crashing their lips together.

Junkrat quickly shimmied his way out of the other's death hold before screaming, "God dammit Roadhog! Ya tryin to get frisky with me, are ya?"

Roadhog just shrugged his shoulders, giving the other a wide yellow tooth grin.

"Hehehe, knew ya liked it! Come 'ere ya fucking marshmallow!" Junk ordered, practically jumping on his friends lips.

Junkrat moaned as the taste of fresh Earl Gray filled his mouth, from his friend shoving his thick tongue down his throat.

"Ya big softy." Junkrat whispered between sloppy kisses.

Roadhog grumbled deeply as his big hands gripped the other's ass.

"Oh Hogsy!" Junk dreamily exclaimed, "I should fuck cunts up more for ya. And you were trying to act like ya didn't care."

"Don't need to kill everyone over it." He replied.

"I got the right to! You're my bodyguard, right? Ya lay your life out for me, I kill the ugly fuck who tried to take that life, simple as that! You're all I got, and I don't like when people insult what I 'ave! You understand mate?" Junkrat questioned.

Roadhog happily nodded in understanding as he roughly brought him back in for another kiss.

It was sloppy as all hell, tongues lapping at dirty cheeks, gagging each other with their tongues, and teeth sinking in to bleeding chapped lips, but to them it was passionate and sweet.

Sweeter than the blood that squirts at you when your hook sinks into flesh. More passionate than you feel about money or blowing everything you touch up.

That's just how the duo felt about one another.

"Hogsy, you make my heart feel like a ticking time bomb, ya gorgeous fuck." Junkrat stated, kissing over scars and red blotches around the lower half of his friend's face.

Roadhog ran his big hand down the other's thin body more, caressing his hip and wooden leg, "I love you too, ya annoying piece of shit."

Junkrat wrapped his arms around Hog's face as they continued to roughly make out.

Junk held onto him tight like he wanted to shield him from the world, and the bigger man did the same. 

After everything they had been through together, they knew they could only trust and protect eachother.

It was fuck the world and every cunt in it, kill who you needed to, take what you wanted, split the money 50/50, and only ever care about yourself, and your right hand Hog or Rat.

Words that they will always live by.

Hog let out a deep rumbling grumble as his big fingers hooked into his friend's pants.

"W-What? You wanna go whole hog on me!?" Junkrat excitedly asked, eyes growing big, "Hehe! What we waitin for then? Let's get the rubbers!"


End file.
